The Strange Intelligence To Money Made Proportionality
It occurred to me the other day that there is no way in hell that I will ever achieve the amount of fame and fortune that people with around half of my intelligence have already attained. What the fuck is with that? It also occurred to me that there is a brief...envelope...in which, with the proper amount of dumbness, the amount of money made skyrockets. Perhaps a graph will explain:
But seriously, though, let's take a look at our contendors:
- Alex Rodriguez: I guess that playing for the highest-grossing team in the Majors doesn't help him get poorer. But seriously, since when does someone get $25,705,118.00/year for fucking playing baseball? Well, I guess that he has gotten the "bitch-slap" technique down (pic in the graph). I'm not saying that every baseball player is dumb, I'm just saying that lots of steroids can magically make bank for some people making up their lack of mental capabilities.
- Paris Hilton: When will people realize that this bitch is dumb, has a weird fucking eye, and has more disease than the entire continent of Africa? I saw an interview with her on David Letterman one night, and I almost needed to throw my television out of my window due to my extreme aggression towards this bitch. But who knows? Maybe she actually really is quite smart and that she actually just acts like the dumbest bitch on the planet because she knows that most of America is filled with idiotic people who strive for some sort of idiotic idol that they can worship every day. Or she's just inept.
- Bill Gates: Asshat.
- Fred Durst: Worst music ever. Yelling gets you everywhere in music nowadays, I guess. Again, as with Ms. Hilton up there, most of America is fucking dumb as all hell. Most don't know good/bad/terrible music when they hear it. They just know that MTV has told them that this band is awesome, and that all of their idiot friends say that this band is awesome. Naturally not having a will of their own ever since television took it away from them at around the age of 8, they will naturally think that this band is great so that they can fit in with Cool MTV and their Cool Friends that also like this Cool Band. The world will be a better place if we shot all of these people in the head with a double-barreled, sawed-off shotgun.