The following people are robots
Every so often, I realize that people I daily encounter in my life are robots. Although I'm taking a giant risk of exposing these "people" due to their high-speed inter-communication algorithms that they use to talk with each other, and search the internet for possible threats to their exposure, I feel the necessity to reveal this frightening information to you, my website viewer. Now without further ado...
Christopher C. Taylor
Specifications:
- 5.33THz CPU Overclocked to 5.89THz
- 4TB RAM bank
- Wireless 802.11Z onboard, capable of communicating with any electronic device within a 1 mile radius
- 440 Volt DC battery pack, good for 30 hours of continuous use.
- First model built in the late 1990's, updated model introduced in winter of 2001.
- Specially designed TAYLOR operating system, capable of generating excessively random comments during class.
Many have known Dr. Chris C. Taylor as the eclectic and witty prof around the MSOE campus that has been recently named head of the EECS department. Few, however, know that his true form is Optimus Prime. In a rare photograph, here we see Dr. Taylor in his true T.A.Y.L.O.R. form.
Many would ask the origins of such an organism. A secret Russian Cold War Black Ops Project? An MSOE senior design project gone terribly wrong? An extra-terrestrial? Nobody will know for certain. Until then, we can only fear the wrath of T.A.Y.L.O.R.
Harvey S. Hoy
Specifications:
- "Senile X033" chip integrated onto mainboard
- 5TB hard drive to store countless "Back in My Day" stories
- Specially made F.L.A.N.N.E.L protective shell
- First model of its kind, possibly made in 1947
- Hundreds of pre-programmed tangents to head off on during class
At the end of World War II, and heading into the Cold War, American scientists needed a way to stay one step ahead of the Russians. Their answer: The HOY2000 Teaching Machine. This super-efficient teaching machine allowed many colleges to do away with many other human teachers at the time. The introduction of the HOY2000 was a rousing success for many years; college students were learning at an efficiency that could only be described as "perfection". Thousands of HOY2000 robots were employed at colleges nationwide. All was well in the HOY2000 project until the fall of the Soviet Union. Seeing how many jobs could be generated by placing human teachers back into position, many colleges began to re-introduce thousands of human teachers.
MSOE, however, still has one of the original HOY2000 robots teaching around campus. Why? Many have theorized that this HOY2000 has become self-conscious of what it really is, thusly making dismantling it a federal offense. Adapting well to such advanced robots as T.A.Y.L.O.R., the vacuum-tube powered HOY2000 will continue to teach with no wasted cycles at MSOE until it's highly radioactive fission battery pack dies off in approximately 2098AD.
Bob W. Barker
Specifications:
- Specially designed "Infinity" battery pack
- Reverse-Engineered wit and charm
At the end of World War II, and heading into the Cold War, Russian scientists needed a way to stay one step ahead of the Americans. Their answer: The BARKER2000 Entertainment Robot. Their theory was to undermine the American populous by creating a lovable game-show host that would gradually incite more and more Russian propaganda into his game show. Naturally all this brainwashing takes awhile, so top Russian Scientists developed a new type of energy production that is both lightweight, and 100% efficient. Unfortunately, since the fall of the Iron Curtain, the BARKER2000 has had no instruction as how to further brainwash the Americans. He will continue indefinitely to entertain Americans every weekday morning at about 11:00EST, forever trapped in a continuous cycle due to the inability to power down, and the inability to get his show cancelled due to his expertly engineered wit and charm.
Well, that is all I have to report for now. BUT, always be on the lookout for potential non-humans in your everyday life...