A Quick Re-Lesson On Second Grade Grammar Skills
I usually find myself in front of this fucking computer monitor with an Instant Messanging program running in the background. Occasionally, I get into conversations with some people. That is when shit hits the fan. Below, I have several examples of incorrect grammar, the proper rules of the attempted grammar, and a very large portion of me making fun of the person who fucked up.
You're/Your
Perhaps my most hated of all gramatical errors, this has to be the one rule that gets jailraped the most. You're is a contraction of "you" and "are". "You" is more than likely the subject of the sentence, while "are" is the linking verb that goes in between "you" and the predicate. The predicate is the group of words that more than likely goes right after "are". It is also more than likely that this will be a description of the subject, "You". For example "You're a cool dude.", "You're a stupidhead.", or "You're on my case all the time about these fucking gramatical errors."
"Your" is a possessive pronoun. It is there to point to something in posession of the person that you are talking to. For example "your bike", "your camera", or "your phone". Now for the misuses:
- Brad*******: your the one at 233 [front side bus]
This would be implying that my "the one" is at a 233MHz front side bus. However, there isn't any linking verb relating the subject to the predicate. This results in a terrible sentence fragment. The proper way to say this is either "Your the one is at 233", or possibly "You're the one at 233". - Axio******: hey rob, your gonna have your typical 4th [of] july party right?
The subject of this sentence appears to be my "gonna", with an interjection of "hey rob" before the "your". If this is the case, then the linking verb of "have" isn't in the proper tense, since the predicate is "your typical 4th [of] july party", which is something that will happen in the future, relative to this mistake's writing. Therefore, the proper way to say this would be "Hey Rob, your gonna will be having your typical 4th of July party, right?" or "Hey Rob, you're gonna be having your typical 4th of July party, right?"
It's/Its/Its'
"It's" is the contraction of "it" and "is". Not unlike "You're" above, "it" will be the subject of the sentence while "is" is the linking verb that goes in between "it" and the predicate. For example "It's a sunny day outside.", "It's okay that I pressed that button, right?", and "It's merely a flesh wound."
"Its" is used to point to a noun that "it" posesses. For example "its tires", "its lenses", or "its screen". Now for the misuses:
Now for the confusing one, and one that I have seen used correctly probably 4 times in all my online chatting: "Its'". At first glance to the person who has completely failed second grade english while they're in their late teens / early 20s, "Its'" would seem a total butchering of proper apostrophe placement. As a matter of fact, "Its'" is used when the subject is a group of "Its", and they all posess something. Such as "its' (the angry mob) discontent".
- Atari*******: its going to be like that till the end [of] summer
First of all there is no subject here, unless the subject is "going"...in which case "it" posesses "going". If that is the case, then a linking verb is missing to link "going" to the predicate. Some proper ways of saying this correctly would be either "Its going will be like that till the end of summer.", or "It's going to be like the till the end of summer."
They're/Their/There
Since I've only had one reportable occurrence of this since I've begun keeping track of this for my site, coupled with the fact that this occurrence was a blatant attack on this page and my hatred of gramatical errors, I won't go through the pains of explaining the correct grammar here
- wc*****: hey rob their going too there mom's house
I think that the proper way that Tyler Pinter was trying to say here is, "Hey Rob, I want a punch to the nose next time I see you." or "Hey Rob, I just wanted to annoy the fuck out of you because I know that you hate this. Check out my awesome middle finger buddy icon. See? It's flipping whomever I'm talking to off! How clever of me!" or "I'm only going to pop online for this one time to leave you this message while you're away message is up, then quickly duck off 1 minute later because I've got nothing else better to do."...Interpretations can exceed infinity.
More terrible misuses will be coming as soon as I see more.